Talk. Heal. Thrive.

“I love when people that have been through hell walk out of the flames carrying buckets

of water for those still consumed by the fire.” – Stephanie Sparkles

Hello Olympia friends,

Thank you, Chris, for your support and encouragement in my dream to make a major dent in the stigma surrounding mental illness…the stigma that stops too many people from reaching out for help.

As I move forward into this uncharted territory of writing my book, it is wonderful having a friend, encourager and ally like Chris who has already travelled down this book writing road ahead of me. Twice! Thank you for believing in me, Brother!

I also want to give a huge Olympia swoosh to Greg Rogers for believing in my message and getting me started on my professional speaking engagements back in 2012. Swooooosh! Thank you, Greg.

In the inspirational words of Dave Grace, I’m “taking the bat off my shoulder” and taking the risk to let you peer inside my brain for a little while. It’s scary to put this on paper and be exposed to the world. But I feel I have a responsibility to help others who may still be consumed in the flames and darkness of Anxiety and Depression. The above quote from Stephanie Sparkles has been an inspiration for me for many years:  That’s who I want to be.

“I want to make a major dent in the stigma surrounding mental illness. A dent big enough to drive the family minivan through with everyone in it as comfortable talking about anxiety and depression as they are talking about a sprained ankle, an upset tummy, or the flu.” – Kevin O’Reilly

For those who do not know me, I started working at Olympia in 1984 as a counsellor and Camp Driver. That’s also the year I had a 90% average at the University of Waterloo, studying Kinesiology and Mathematics. And the year that the pain my by brain became so severe that I had written “The Note” – to end my life by suicide. To jump off the smokestack at the University. No one knew. I couldn’t tell anyone. So alone. So, all alone in my mind. I hid behind “My Mask.” 

In 1984, we didn’t talk openly about Anxiety and Depression.

Fast forward to 2011 where the stranglehold of Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks were suffocating me. Again. I ended up being off work for 3 months. When I finally got back to work, I asked my Principal if I could share with our staff what it was like to have my brain betray me. The staff was very receptive and supportive, and I was asked to speak to a few Health and Anthropology classes, as Mental Health was on the curriculum and the teachers felt comfortable having me in to share my story.

I wrote the following in February 2012 after speaking to multiple classes:

If I Could Write a Book… February 11, 2012

If I could write a book….

…it would be about how our brain can make us ill and how our brain can heal us. It would be a teenage boy’s journey through darkness, isolation and pain, and the sunshine, love and beauty he was able to discover through his journey. A 35-year journey. A journey that teaches us that we are not alone, even when in our darkest moments we truly believe we are meant to be alone. A journey showing us it is not our fault and that we did not do anything to deserve this, even though we were told we did.

A journey that led the boy to become a high school vice-principal…who would not change one aspect of his life…even his own depression…to be able to look a student in the eyes and say:

“I get it. I understand why you are late to class all the time.” I get it. You can’t get to sleep at night. Can’t stay asleep. Eventually all you want to do is sleep. I know what it feels like to not be able to get out of bed and go to school and I know you want to do well at school.“I get it. Your brain won’t shut off. The non-stop worry. The feeling of being so overwhelmed the simplest tasks become insurmountable.”

“I get it. I have felt the internal angst that comes with not being able to remember people’s names, let alone new facts in classes or being able to concentrate in class.” “I get it. I got it. I’ve got it. You are not alone. You are not lazy. You do not lack motivation. This is not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Help is available. I got help. Will you let me help you?” 

It would start with me as a very young boy, knowing that there was something wrong with me; there was something black and dark and not-worthy-of-love inside me. It felt like the Harry Potter dementors were swimming through the neurons in my brain.

If I could write a book….

…it would flow through the many poems and writings I did (and kept) as a teenage boy trying to figure out why the world seemed so dark and why I was not-worthy-of-love. It would travel with me through teenage first love/young love with the joy of passion and the agony of pain.

It would tell of the high school quarterback, basketball player, tennis player, Co- president of the Student Council Athletic Association, and Big Brother who could do nothing right and was always criticized by his father; a father who never attended any of his games. It would tell of my father's alcoholism and how it affected my mom, three sisters and me. It would also tell how that alcoholism affected my wife (we are divorced now) and children and those who were close to me. It would show how my coping (survival) instincts made me into a person who was “always-on” and could not sleep because my mind just wouldn’t shut up at night (or during the day for that matter!) Yet these same skills served me well as a child because you never knew which dad you would be coming home to; the dad that liked to tease and joke, or the dad that berated and criticized. You had to be “always-on” and ready to respond. These skills served me well as they drove me to seek perfection at university studying Kinesiology and Mathematics and (graduated top of my faculty, after graduating high school with a 70% average). But these same skills also took me to the edge of suicide where I had written “the note” about how I planned to kill myself; to make the pain in my brain stop. Even though I really didn’t want to die. But I had to find a way to stop the pain. I knew I had a life better than I ever expected. But why so much pain in my brain?

If I could write a book….

…it would follow me through two years of factory work, and through Military Boot Camp training where I planned to become a pilot and Electrical Engineer. All the while dark, melancholy poems kept spewing onto the pages and I could not stop the flow. It would follow me through my university years, teaching elementary school and having three beautiful children. But there was always an underlying darkness and anticipation that it would all be pulled out from under me. I didn’t deserve such happiness in my life.

The book would be like a companion accompanying me as I switched to teaching high school, running Student Council and coaching many successful sport teams. My mind was driving me to success yet poisoning me on the inside. My book would be in my back pocket on the journey to become a vice-principal….to a mental crash where I missed 5 months of work, doing the job I love and competed to earn.

If I could write a book….

…it would end up on the kitchen table with my family having dinner and the book would not feel like a taboo topic. Just like any other book in the house. And in the house, and in my life my book glows with excitement at the inner-peace, harmony and balance in my life. Things I thought would never be possible.

Well, here we are in March 2026 and with Chris’ support and encouragement I’m finally writing my book:

Buckets of Water

Carrying Hope After Walking Through Fire

By Kevin O’Reilly

I hope my journey can help you or someone close to you who is “still consumed by the

fire.”

KevinOReilly12@gmail.com

Writing, like any art form, is a passion that drives the author toward completing something that in many ways is life a life's work. My writing of Can't Miss: The Kevin Pangos Story took over five years to write, as I followed Kevin play-by-play throughout his career at Gonzaga and looked at factors in Kevin's life that made him an outlier. One chapter from that book, the part where Olympia Sports Camp played in a role in the birth of Kevin's passion, was the genesis of A Hero's Journey: Beyond Little Norway and Olympia Sports Camp, which took another four years to write and hundreds of avenues to explore.

The writing process that Kevin bravely shares here in 2026 actually got its start with the following poem he wrote in 1979. I think a lot of us have a 'book inside us' that just needs a push to get it started. I hope this blog is the push for Kevin. We all will benefit because Kevin has a beautiful story to share.

I love the quote "The secret to getting ahead is getting started." Kevin, I wish you much success as the journey takes shape.